In Hiding - Belgium

Many years later I found the lady who was involved in hiding in me in the Ardennes. I found her name, Mme Wittamer. I managed to make an appointment to see her but she never turned up. I subsequently learnt that she’d married & never told her husband that she’d hidden a child during the war.

My father says that when he found me she didn't want to give me up. A lot of them didn't. She wanted to keep this child. He never talked about her either, which again I found subsequently difficult to understand because it was the last step, if you like, in the life story of being alive. The Resistance put me with her in the Ardennes. And, for whatever reason, no information of any kind from any of the family, apart from the fact that they may have met her once. Not from my father, not from my stepmother, not from anybody. That in a way hurts because that would have been [sighs]—it would have been good. To close the circle I suppose. I only know her first name because there is a card that was found. Her name was Wittamer.

For many years I had photos of me, I knew it was me but where they came from, where they were taken, I had no idea. One of them gives my name. On the back of one of the photos: 'souvenir de Jacqui'. Who wrote it, no idea. There's so many different layers—the puzzle, you know, trying to find the bits & pieces, it’s complicated, complex.

I should've delved more into it, asking questions. But most of the time after the war I wasn't with my father. When I was he never wanted to about it. 'It was what it was, we survived, we made a life for ourselves'. That's what he'd say.

in '42 things started to get really tough. We all had to start wearing a Star of David. We were registered as Jews. My mother & father decided to try & escape. First they tried to get to Spain. hey found a guide, he took them all but at the border he decided to take their money & leave them. Then we came back to Belgium, & then they tried again. They tried a second time to escape to Switzerland & again the guide took their money & left them at the border.

"Then things in Belgium became really desperate. They decided to start going to a hiding place. The only way they had currency, my mother had small diamonds & a specially made shoe. She hid the diamonds in the heel of this specially made shoe. Then they went into hiding.

"The person that looked after them was a guy by the name of Cnudde. He worked for my father & was able to bring food & the like. He hid them in an attic, I’m not sure where. I was in that attic as well. Then they realised that they could not keep me in an attic. I was 8. I was too – I wanted to run & do things & do what boys do. So one day I remember walking along & we came along to a church & my father said goodbye to me & they left me with a priest, & that was the very last time I saw my father.

It must have been very hard because she had no food. I don’t think she had much money & no food & no place to hide so apparently sometimes we slept in ditches or hid in ditches, sometimes under or behind hedges. We slept sometimes in shops if somebody would give us a space under a counter or something. Apparently I was put to sleep in drawers in boxes. Apparently I was a very nice baby & smiled a lot so when she went & begged, which was what she had to do for food & shelter, they saw a smiley baby & agreed luckily. She said in the account that I was very, very frightened & that she used to put her hands over my eyes & over my ears, so that I was less aware of the bombing, which probably explains why I cannot go to a film with war in. I cannot read any books about war. I cannot have anything to do with anything about war because I am still obviously traumatised by it.

So, full of pus where the fleas have bitten, full of lice here [SM points at her head,], lice here [SM points at her eye], and if they had anywhere else, lice there [SM points at her armpits] and we tried to entellus them. And we were three people for eighteen children. We washed the floor, we washed the bed linen – they were bed wetting – we had to make them up during the night so they don’t bed wet, but still, we washed the linen. And the food was brought out from the orphanage in big containers and I went to fetch it. That must have weighed twenty kilos. And then I served the food to the children. I never in my life worked as hard as that, 18 hours and during the night. And then a new lot of children comes and starts again, and a new. We were hundred when the home in Linkebeek was opened. That was Ressebeek, and then we went to Linkebeek. And I stayed in Linkebeek from ’42 till ’44.

A mad day. I went hysteric, we were all in the street, you can imagine. The first soldier I saw, I ran to kiss him & he had a metal helmet – and it cut me here, I bled like a lunatic. I said “We are free”, I told my son “We are free”, we are going to live normal again & all that. It was fantastic – and then of course my husband was called, where he was working with the underground, they gave him a medal, and he got – I’ll show you the book there. Then I went to see the house, where everything was stolen. They took everything, everything, everything, the only thing I found through a neighbour is a painting. We had just got married, we had furniture, jewellery, everything. It was very sad.

"Every night, the dogs, with the lights, with the Germans used to come through, to see. I used to cover, with all the grass, & underneath I had the baby with me. It was absolutely terrible. For 5 years I was staying in the woods, I used to live with milk & in fact that very much affected my son’s health. That I can tell you, that it was terrible. So one night, I don’t know how this happened, they came with the dogs, and the lights, and they saw me. I was with the baby. I had to think very quick. I was so scared I can’t tell you. I can’t explain to you. And just for a moment I said – I had to think fast what to do, because they’re going to take me away – I spoke in Italian with them. I didn’t speak French. I was very dark, I was the Italian type although I was Jewish. They told me, “What are you doing?” Well, I said, I lost something in the morning, I lost my ring, & I came at night – when there is nobody – I had to try to find something to tell them. They said ‘Is that your child?’ I said, “Yes.” They said, “You’re married?” “No”, I said, “I’m only looking after that baby because the family is gone, I don’t know where they are.” It was OK. I managed, I managed to get out. Sometimes people used to bring me something, like bread & cheese, I didn't really have any food, as long as my son was alright, I only was caring about him. I used to give him as much affection as I could. We’re very close I suppose with everything we went through. I carried on until the last day of the war, to be in those woods. I don’t know if you can imagine what it is, to live in the woods."

Then they started the question of Jews. One day they came to my house & asked my husband to undress to see if he was Jewish. He was in the underground, his colleagues knew what was going to happen. They said: 'You’d better disappear, leave everything.' We left, everything.